ManagementSpeak« Previous Entries
ManagementSpeak: We practice Agile methodologies in all of our business practices. Translation: We practice haphazard methodologies in all of our business practices — we wait until the last minute, get the staff working on projects they have no skills for, and wonder why the results are the same as last time. Thanks to today’s contributor, [...]
ManagementSpeak: I don’t look at things as problems – I see them as opportunities! Translation: You are about to have a fresh flaming sack of opportunity tossed on your doorstep. Mark R. Everhart joins the KJR Club for this non-flammable translation of a well-worn cliché.
ManagementSpeak: More information on exactly what is needed and who needs to be involved will be sent out in the next few days. Translation: We know we need to do something, but we don’t know what it is, how to do it, or who should be involved. Thanks for giving up your weekend. And thanks [...]
ManagementSpeak: Manage Translation: Control. Don’t let employees breathe unless you’ve developed formal oxygen-consumption/CO2-exhalation metrics. And thanks to this week’s contributor for helping me management ManagementSpeak.
“This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.” – Sir Winston Churchill, in response to a bad job of copy editing, unless it was someone else … and my apologies to Sir Winston for failing to attribute the quote last week.
ManagementSpeak: Let’s get together to review the task list I asked you to write up. Translation: Come to my office so I can tell you how you’re going to do it. Today’s entry comes from “Bob,” … no, a different Bob … from something that happened a long time ago in IT shop far, far [...]
“Opinions are like demo tapes. I don’t want to hear yours.” – Stephen Colbert
ManagementSpeak: You’re not a team player. Translation: You won’t let me take the credit. This week’s contributor is definitely a team player — by remaining anonymous he’s letting me take the credit.
ManagementSpeak: We’re all on the same team here. Translation: Stop arguing and just do it my way. Alan Earnshaw’s the latest member of the KJR Club for insisting we all translate “on the same team” the same way.
“This is Pope Francis. I wanted to offer you greetings for the end of the year. Maybe I’ll try to call again later.” – Pope Francis, in a voicemail left on the answering machine of the Carmelite nuns of Luccena. News accounts did not report whether the phone greeting began, “Your call is important to [...]« Previous Entries