ManagementSpeak« Previous Entries
ManagementSpeak: Employees do not burn out due to workload – that excites them. They burn out due to situations at home. Translation: Employees do not burn out because of me. I’m too nice a person to be responsible for that. Burning out? Reduce your stress by submitting a new ManagementSpeak. It won’t reduce your workload, […]
ManagementSpeak: While our new operations plan looks like it costs more, in the long run, it will actually be less costly. Translation: We’re really good at spreadsheets, and were able to solve for the number we wanted. There’s no spreadsheet in the world that can translate this accurately. Thanks to the anonymous subscriber who passed […]
ManagementSpeak: I have too much on my plate to take a sick day. Translation: I have to listen to an employee complain about her coworkers and I have a couple of meetings. Not to complain, but my ManagementSpeak inventory is running just a bit low. Care to help top it off?
“If the earth were a basketball, in 40 years no human’s been more than a half inch from the surface.” – Randall Munroe, XKCD
ManagementSpeak: I protect my staff from harm. Translation: I remove all opportunities for growth and visibility. Here in KJR-land we don’t remove the opportunities for visibility. All you have to do is send in a ManagementSpeak and give us permission to give you credit for it.
You can fool some of the people some of the time, and usually that’s sufficient. – Original source unknown, shared with us by long-time correspondent Henry Hojnacki.
“The lesson of history is that it isn’t who outsmarts whom that matters. It’s who outstupids whom.” – Isaac Asimov
ManagementSpeak: We have an opportunity for you. Translation: We want you to take on more responsibilities without having to pay you more for taking them on. Ironically enough, Richard Adams took on the responsibility of contributing this excellent example of ManagementSpeak, without my having to pay him for taking it on.
ManagementSpeak: I expect teamwork and innovation from you all. Translation: There are two ways of doing things: My way and the wrong way. By submitting this little gem, William Adams shows he’s a team player.
“A big computer, a complex algorithm and a long time does not equal science.” – Robert Gentleman« Previous Entries