Archive for September, 1998

ManagementSpeak, 9/28/1998

Monday, September 28th, 1998
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Management Speak: We are not interested in helping the users here. We are only interested in clearing the help desk queue. IS Survivalist Howard Wexler and I agree that no translation will do justice to this sentiment.

Integrated IS Plan #10: Platform layer integration (first appeared in InfoWorld)

Monday, September 28th, 1998
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Years ago, I used to tell a joke with no punch line. It went, “How many vendors does it take to print a memo?” For us, at the time, the answer was 10: (1) IBM – PC; (2) Microsoft – DOS; (3) Automenu – DOS menuing front end; (4) WordPerfect – word processor; (5) Synoptics […]

ManagementSpeak, 9/21/1998

Monday, September 21st, 1998
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ManagementSpeak: That violates our standards. Translation: We don’t know how to do that. IS Survivalist William B. Adams clarifies the purpose of standards.

Integrated IS Plan #9: Platform layer (first appeared in InfoWorld)

Monday, September 21st, 1998
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In twenty-five words or less, what business value did you gain from your last operating system upgrade? A return on investment (ROI) analysis is an acceptable substitute. Can’t do it in twenty-five words? Sorry, that’s all you get. Business leaders don’t have time for more than a few bullet points on any subject such as […]

ManagementSpeak, 9/14/1998

Monday, September 14th, 1998
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Management speak: “Can’t you just … ?” Translation: I need it solved, and I can’t afford a complicated solution. This week’s translator couldn’t afford to be attributed

Integrated IS Plan #8: Information architecture (first appeared in InfoWorld)

Monday, September 14th, 1998
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A CIO of my acquaintance once described his priorities for the new megasystem his developers were busily constructing. “What I want is the database,” he said. Waving his hands disparagingly, he added, “I don’t much care about the applications that feed it.” Guess what? His system never got built, and he didn’t last two years […]

Great Quotations, 9/7/1998

Monday, September 7th, 1998
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“Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.” – Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

Who gets to attend National Boycott Stupidity Day (first appeared in InfoWorld)

Monday, September 7th, 1998
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Nearly two decades ago I presented an excruciatingly dull paper (“Quantitative Analysis of Electrical and Overt Behavior of the Electric Fish Brienomyrus niger,” if memory serves) at the Animal Behavior Society’s annual conference, held that year at Tulane University. While there I met a researcher who claimed to have demonstrated rudimentary speech in parrots. Not […]

my photoBob Lewis is a senior management consultant with Dell Services. He has published these columns once a week in one form or another since 1996.

Disclaimer: All opinions, statements, representations, allegations, images (if published) and anything else that appears here is the sole responsibility of the author. Dell has and had nothing to do with it, other than saying it's okay to continue publishing KJR.

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