Archive for July, 2001
Managementspeak: You have to be more efficient. Translation: We don’t care what — if anything — you produce as long as you work nights and weekends. IS Survivalist William Adams worked nights and weekends to translate this phrase for us.
The Roman general Pompey added a grain of salt to his food, believing it would counteract poisons added by would-be assassins. Thinking himself safe, he was eventually stabbed to death. So take what you read about Web services … a technology that’s solidly in the “hype” phase of the technology life cycle (the other phases […]
ManagementSpeak: Application of this tool in our environment is critical to the success of meeting our objectives. Translation: We have to find a place to use this or I won’t be able to justify the expense of the leftover funds I had to burn to secure our budget for next year. This week’s anonymous contributor […]
Alfred Hitchcock promoted one of his movies with the slogan, “The Birds is coming.” He got tremendous free publicity through debates about his grammar. Pedestrian grammarians complained about the lack of agreement between subject (birds) and verb (is). The more insightful recognized that The Birds was a movie title, and therefore singular. So what should […]
ManagementSpeak: I didn’t realize I owned that issue. Translation: I plan to sit on my butt. This week’s anonymous contributor explains the relationship between ownership and sessility.
During the Vietnam War, hundreds of thousands marched on Washington. A few years ago, Louis Farrakhan organized the Million Man March. I fantasize about holding National Boycott Stupidity Day and getting the same kind of turnout — throngs of citizens tired of popular culture’s ongoing celebration of idiocy and ignorance as greater virtues than logical […]
ManagementSpeak: Yeah, but the thing is … Translation: I’m not going to let the facts get in my way. IS Survivalist John Priebe doesn’t let obfuscatory phrasing interfere with our comprehension.
Groucho Marx once described W. C. Fields as, “a great friend and a great drinker.” Once, visiting Fields’ house, he was shown an attic full of alcohol. “Bill,” Marx said, “Prohibition has been repealed.” “Yes,” drawled Fields in response, “but it might come back!” In addition to his fondness for ethanol, Fields was also the […]
ManagementSpeak: I guess my thinking at this particular point in time might be that it may be prudent to wait until such time as we could gain a better understanding of where we are going with this issue by studying it a little further. Translation: I couldn’t make a decision if my life depended on […]
It’s Perry Mason’s fault. Responding to a remark about CO2 and global warming a few weeks back, a surprising number of readers pointed out that global warming is “just a theory,” with the evidence falling well short of proof. The Greening Earth Society — a fossil-fuels-industry propaganda machine — beats this drum loudly. To the […]