Archive for December, 2001
“The promise of America is Opportunity, not Guarantee.” – Abraham Lincoln
My grandfather sold gloves in the five-state area bounded by Illinois and Minnesota. Not door-to-door, you understand, but to every major retailer. He became a salesman, he once told me, because he “just wasn’t any good at kissing rear ends,” which, he figured, meant he wasn’t destined to work in an office. He was very […]
ManagementSpeak: Why do you have to make things so complicated? Translation: You went beyond the two-syllable limit! Alternate Translation: I’m too busy to give this more than a 3 second glance. It must be your fault. IS Survivalist Bryan Mullinax uncomplicates the specifications for an executive summary.
Hitting a pitched baseball is the most difficult job in professional sports, or so I’m told. According to my back-of-the-envelope calculations, only about 1% of the strike zone yields a solidly struck ball, and the batter has less than a half second to get his bat there, swung hard enough so the ball at least […]
ManagementSpeak: Don’t thank us. It’s the least we could do. Translation: We tried to do less, but couldn’t get away with it. Thanks to this week’s contributor, who, by remaining anonymous, did get away with it.
If you don’t have a new idea, coin a new acronym. Last year’s fad was C-level positions. We had CKO (chief knowledge officer), CPO, (chief privacy officer), and CCO (chief customer officer), and it was a wonder nobody added CSO (chief sanitation officer) to the list, all reporting directly to the CEO, re-titled “chief ego-gratification […]
ManagementSpeak: We need to reset their expectations. Translation: We need to reduce what they get from us while making them think nothing has changed. IS Survivalist James Tomascak resets our expectations about how to translate euphemisms.
And now, news from the trailing edge of customer service, which my father, the great guru of direct marketing, has dubbed CEM, for “Customer Elimination Management.” I won’t mention the names of the offenders — that would be crass, and besides, I doubt they’re the only companies that pull stunts like this — but there’s […]