Archive for January, 2003

ManagementSpeak, 1/27/2003

Monday, January 27th, 2003
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ManagementSpeak: That is a really innovative idea. Translation: Unless it doesn’t work. Then it, and you, are idiotic. Thanks to IS Survivor David C. Roxin for his innovative example of management jargon.

The end of requirements (first appeared in InfoWorld)

Monday, January 27th, 2003
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Requirements were for when IT delivered applications to its “internal customers.” We’re way, way past that now.

ManagementSpeak, 1/20/2003

Monday, January 20th, 2003
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ManagementSpeak: We need to establish uniform practices across the enterprise. Translation: We see what you’re doing, and we want you to stop it. IS Survivalist John Pfeifer would like to stop the uniform practice of obfuscatory exposition.

Preventing value prevention (first appeared in InfoWorld)

Monday, January 20th, 2003
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“We can’t just let users install anything they want!” This, the mission statement of the Value Prevention Society (VPS), has, in a decade, evolved from controversial policy to unquestioned postulate. The history of the personal computer belies it. PCs succeeded because they freed end-users from the constraints imposed by centralized IT, letting them select, install, […]

ManagementSpeak, 1/13/2003

Monday, January 13th, 2003
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ManagementSpeak: This isn’t a cost-effective solution. Translation: This is going to be charged to my cost center. IS Survivalist Bill McIntosh supplies us with a very effective translation.

Total Cost of Gartner (first appeared in InfoWorld)

Monday, January 13th, 2003
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Gartner has finally achieved perfection. Not content to rest on its laurels, it has supplemented its thoroughly meaningless Total Cost of Ownership (TCO) calculation for personal computers with a perfectly ludicrous companion calculation for personal digital assistants. Are you ready for this? According to Gartner, an average PDA costs about $3,000 per year once all […]

ManagementSpeak, 1/6/2003

Monday, January 6th, 2003
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ManagementSpeak: You are empowered to take reasonable risk in your job to fulfill your responsibilities. Translation: Reasonable risk is anything that doesn’t impact my or my team’s productivity. This week’s contributor decided that providing his name would represent an unreasonable risk.

Welcome to the Value Prevention Society (first appeared in InfoWorld)

Monday, January 6th, 2003
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I’m offering you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to become a charter member of the Value Prevention Society. To qualify for VPS membership, just include, with your check for $950, a notarized copy of the page in your IT procedure manual that specifies total desktop lockdown. VPS members allow nothing but MS Office and whatever enterprise application […]

my photoBob Lewis is a senior management consultant with Dell Services. He has published these columns once a week in one form or another since 1996.

Disclaimer: All opinions, statements, representations, allegations, images (if published) and anything else that appears here is the sole responsibility of the author. Dell has and had nothing to do with it, other than saying it's okay to continue publishing KJR.

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