Archive for July, 2005
ManagementSpeak: This company is ISO 9000 certified. Translation: We have documents to prove who screwed up. This week’s anonymous contributor found the ManagementSpeak in the form of a sign at a company’s front gate. The translation had been added with a felt pen.
Long-time readers of this column might imagine I don’t like business metrics. But if you imagine that, you’re wrong. It’s true that my columns on the subject are more cautionary than laudatory. But I love good business metrics, and treasure the rare occasions on which I encounter them. Most business metrics I run across are […]
ManagementSpeak: Good job, but we need to package that in a report for presentation. Translation: I don’t care about the figures — just give me charts and graphs to show the boss. This week’s anonymous contributor didn’t care about the figures either — only figuring out what his manager was trying to say.
Where exactly did the term “silo” come from, anyway? Organizational silos are Bad Things. They create barriers to getting work done. But why silo? What does a building used to store grain or a nuclear missile have to do with branches of the organizational chart? But then, I wonder how agribusiness executives respond to the […]
ManagementSpeak: I don’t know what to tell you. Translation: I can’t come up with even a ludicrous explanation much less a plausible one — but we’re going to do it anyway. This week’s anonymous contributor provided an entirely plausible explanation.
I just heard it again: “People naturally resist change.” Can I just respond, one more time, “No, they don’t.” There just aren’t that many things that people do or don’t do naturally. People naturally love their mothers. They naturally learn to speak, interpret language, and walk. Eating is natural, too, but not raw oysters, which […]
ManagementSpeak: The goal was inadvertently unobtained. Translation: Through our complete and utter incompetence, we missed by a mile. KJR Club member Rob Kann comments, “I think somebody may have inadvertently compromised the English language.”
It appears my column about avoiding ambiguity calls for a correction and a clarification. The correction: As Joris Linnsen, writing from the Netherlands, reminds us, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there,” appeared in Alice in Wonderland long before George Harrison wrote it into a song. I should […]